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  • Bob Sklar

The Devils Triangle of Sexual Addiction

"Here I am again. I'm stuggleing with addictive behavior and I don't know how I got here". It's time to do a CSI- crime scene investigation on life. As we start to dissect life patterns, and triggers we begin to recognize a new matrix. Lets call it the Devils Triangle of Acting out. The three corners of the triangle are isolation, unaccounted for time and resource. When we find these three things in action, we're in danger of relapse. When they are in operation, acting out is almost inevitable. Conversely, each one we eliminate reduces the risk. There are times we arrive at the triangle unintentionally. Life events we haven't planned for deliver us here. We can get off course because we're unaware of our internal triggers- emotions and shame. Sometimes it's compromises and confused thinking and that lead to a bad plan. The three corners: Isolation- I am physically and or emotionally alone. Detached and disconnected from God , myself and others. I'm not allowing my recovery support system to be a part of my heart, my thoughts my life. This allows me to drift and detach from the reality of my life. Unaccounted for time- no one knows what I am doing for a period of time because of my isolation and disconnection. I may consciously or unconsciously create this isolation. It can happen from business, solitary activities and not being proactive about making connection. The combination of isolation and unaccounted for time provides anonymity and secrecy. Resources- this could be my body, my thoughts, phone, objects, computer and people. I find that eliminating these three triggers can dramatically reduce struggle and decrease the possibility of relapse. We don't belong in The Devils Triangle of acting out. While controlling our environment is a behavioral intervention that is focused on one level of change, it can assist us in stopping behavior and allows us to detox and gain more space and clarity to be able to choose our response verses automatically reacting. It is imperative to proactively create a plan and a strategy that addresses those resources, isolation and time.

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